What is
body language?
Elena Solomon, author of 12 Simple
Rules
This
is taken from our articles pages
These days everybody talks about body language -
performance experts, life coaches, gossip columnists and
dating gurus.
But do you know what body language is?
The dictionary gives this definition to 'body language':
"The gestures, postures, and facial expressions by which a
person manifests various physical, mental, or emotional
states and communicates nonverbally with others."
I have been interested in body language for years, and
after reading a few dozens of books, all you need to know
can be summarized in 4 simple points:
1. Body Language Is A Form Of Communication
Whether you realize it or not, your body sends unmistakable
signals to people around you. You DO communicate VOLUMES of
information about yourself with your posture, face
expression and position of your arms and legs. You do it
ALL THE TIME.
In other words, before you even open your mouth, the people
around you have already made a certain opinion about you -
and as you know, first impressions last.
Body language accounts for 55% of your communication with
the people you actually talk to (and nearly 100% of your
communication with the people you don't know yet). The
other 45% of your interactive communication is the VOICE
TONE and ACTUAL WORDS. The words themselves account for
only 7% of your communication.
All in all, your body language and the tone of your voice
make up a whopping 93% of your communication with other
people!
This means that HOW you say it is 13 times MORE important
than WHAT you say.
Most people are spending all their time thinking of WHAT to
say. While they could have learned only once HOW to say it
- and say nearly anything with grandiose success.
What to know how?
Read on.
2. There Is OPEN Body Language and CLOSED Body Language
The definitions are transparent: 'open' body language makes
you look like an open, accepting and friendly person, and
'closed' body language makes you look reserved, distant and
unwelcoming.
When you want people to be attracted to you, use open body
language. When you want people to go away, use closed body
language.
It's THAT simple.
3. OPEN Body Language Means NO Crossing, Covering or Hiding
Open body language is easy to master: look them in the
eyes, don't cross your arms or legs, don't cover your body,
and don't hide your palms and eyes.
That's it!
This is not too complicated, is it?
Let me break it down into pieces for you:
- LOOK THEM IN THE EYES: maintain eye contact at all times
during your conversation.
Looking people in the eyes is the most important part of
the open body language. It has been scientifically proven
that long gazes evoke the release of the same hormones that
are produced when we are in love - they will feel attracted
to you and won't even know why.
- KEEP YOUR PALMS OPEN: Keep your hands on the sides of
your body; don't hide your hands in your pockets and don't
sit on them.
Don't fold your arms or clench your fists. Don't cover your
body with your arms. Don't grab a drink or handbag with
both hands. Don't touch your face, ears or neck - this
shows insecurity and anxiety.
If you need to hold something in your hands, hold it with
ONE hand only and keep it to the side, so your arm doesn't
cover your body. If the conversation is going to be longer
than a couple of replicas, put down anything you hold. Get
a shoulder bag to keep your hands free at all times.
- KEEP YOUR LEGS UNCROSSED: Don't cross your legs on any
level. Keep them apart.
- TURN YOUR BODY TOWARDS THEM: Turn your whole body to face
them. Point your feet towards them; turn your torso
face-to-face, so the angle between you and them is minimal.
- STAND TALL: You appear more confident and assured when
you do.
- REMOVE BARRIERS BETWEEN YOU AND THEM: Don't put chairs,
or glasses, or anything else between you and the person you
are talking to. Keep it open.
- SMILE EASILY: There is a world of difference between
smiling easily and smiling all the time.
Smiling all the time means you are feeling tense and trying
to cover it up. Smiling easily means you feel comfortable
and can open up into smile any time you want.
If you tend to smile all the time when meeting strangers,
try to deliberately DON'T smile. Look them in the eyes, and
keep a friendly, tall, and open posture - but DON'T SMILE.
When you master that, start smiling after a minute or two
in your conversation.
Start practicing open body language with shop assistants
and bank tellers: they are PAID to be nice to you. Notice
what a difference it has on your communication.
4. CLOSED Body Language Means Crossing, Covering or Hiding
Sometimes you don't want to attract certain people; this is
what you need to do in such cases:
- Don't look them in the eyes;
- Fold your arms or hide your hands in the pockets;
- Turn your body away from them;
- Cross your legs and point your feet away from them;
- Put barriers between you and them;
- Frown, or smile all the time a strained smile.
This will make them feel uncomfortable and they will try to
avoid you.
You see, body language is not complicated at all.
In any social situation, you can see how the people around
you feel. Most of them will display 'closed' body language
- and you know what does it mean, they feel uncomfortable
and apprehensive.
Which means that if you display the 'open' body language,
you will be irresistibly attractive. They won't know why
but feel drawn to you. People usually describe it as, "You
have something special about you", or "a presence".
If you start consciously 'open' yourself to other people,
you will notice the change in your communication almost
immediately. Open body language makes you appear more
approachable and trustworthy. It will also make you feel
more comfortable and relaxed in any situation.
Remember, your body language tells MORE about you than your
words.
Use it to your advantage!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Elena SolomonElena Solomon is a dating coach.
Her latest book "12 Simple
Rules" became #1
'Love & Romance' bestseller in the leading ebook
distribution service in just ONE WEEK after the release.
It shows you exactly how you can use body language and
other scientifically proven techniques to become more
successful in dating and love.
Don't read this book if
you want to keep your life just the way it is.
Copyright (C) 2007 Elena Solomon,